MY VORTEX
'What's that?' 'Nothing'. But it wasn't nothing. It had been a few weeks since a mysterious vortex appeared in my locker at work, and I was still trying to hide it while I figured our my next steps. What are you supposed to do when a vortex appears in your work locker? Tell work? That wouldn't work. They'd just contact the locker company. And I work for the locker company. So that won't work. They'd just contact me. It wasn't a fire, so the fire brigade's out. What other kinds of brigades are there? An army brigade? There's no need to escalate this to the military. I've heard they're stretched anyway. And I can't call the police because I'm not a snitch. It's hard to keep a mysterious vortex secret. Especially inside your locker in a busy office. I'm a pretty big enchilada at the locker company. People come to me with important questions containing long words like 'ineffectual', 'substandard...