MY VORTEX

'What's that?' 

'Nothing'. 

But it wasn't nothing. 

It had been a few weeks since a mysterious vortex appeared in my locker at work, and I was still trying to hide it while I figured our my next steps.

What are you supposed to do when a vortex appears in your work locker? Tell work? That wouldn't work. They'd just contact the locker company. And I work for the locker company. So that won't work. They'd just contact me. 

It wasn't a fire, so the fire brigade's out. What other kinds of brigades are there? An army brigade? There's no need to escalate this to the military. I've heard they're stretched anyway. And I can't call the police because I'm not a snitch. 

It's hard to keep a mysterious vortex secret. Especially inside your locker in a busy office. I'm a pretty big enchilada at the locker company. People come to me with important questions containing long words like 'ineffectual', 'substandard' and 'workplace negligence'. One question recently was 'did you eat my lunch?' and I had to lie and say 'yes'. The truth is, I stole it to eat later. But when I put it in my locker, it was sucked into the vortex. 

    I guess having a secret vortex has its upsides. Secrets make me feel important, for one thing. But it was getting harder to keep it under wraps. For example, when I put a false back on my locker, it was sucked into the vortex. People kept asking why I looked so upset, and I couldn't tell them I was on my fourth set of keys because I kept leaving them in my locker, forgetting about the vortex. 

    It all came to a head one day when there was a faint buzz from inside my locker. Thinking it was my phone, I opened the door and accidentally set free a heaving swarm of interdimensional carnivorous insects. They flew around the office, eating the colleagues and furniture I had come to love during my time at the locker company. 

Oh that's right, I forgot to mention. Things came out of the vortex too.

But it mostly sucked. 

(the editor) Dan